Lucy Van Pelt Was A Republican?

The following was written in 2016 and carried over due to its ongoing, unfortunate relevance to the pathetic condition of the Republican Party. ~Ed.

Lots of gnashing of the teeth lately about healthcare, immigration, judges etc. Folks can’t seem to figure out why they can’t get candidates – namely veteran “Republican” candidates – to deliver on their campaign promises having worked so hard once again, to get them elected.  Why the impotency now?

Because truth is to politicians what light is to cockroaches.

In a moment of weakness, I scanned talk radio only to hear a host declare something to the effect that “Republicans keep winning, and Democrats keep losing (elections and membership)…”

Not sure I see anyone but progressive power brokers on both sides of the aisle winning & citizens losing, but ok, I’ll play…

First, let’s define our terms:

A Republican Win: they receive the most votes on election day, claim they can’t do anything they promised; nothing gets done… the Constitution be damned.

A Republican Loss: they receive the least amount of votes on election day, claim they can’t do anything they promised; nothing gets done… the Constitution be damned.

Democrat Win: they receive the most votes on election day AND immediately begin to govern according to the platform on which they ran… the Constitution be damned.

A Democrat Loss: they receive the least amount of votes on election day AND immediately continue to further their agenda with the help of “victorious” Republicans… the Constitution be damned.

Here’s a secret in case you haven’t figured it out: Both parties like it this way.  The Democrats for obvious reasons, the Republicans for others…that is why most of them hate Donald Trump…

You see most [elected] Republicans are progressive in nature, so as a party it’s a matter of degree with Democrats, not disagreement and let’s face it, it would take more commitment and consistency than most of them have to actually follow through on campaign promises. This is why none of that hard work ever pays off for you…actually carrying the baton they’re handed across the finish line might increase efficacy and expectations.


Moreover, the Republican “perpetual loser” mode, not only ordains Democrats as “perpetual winners,” but also allows Republicans to claim perpetual victimhood – albeit to their own greed, laziness and cowardice – even when they receive the most votes on election day…

This affords them the opportunity to come back in 2, 4 or 6 years, and screw you all over again, and not give a rat’s patoot whether or not they even attempted to do what they said they would do.

Indeed, when you think about it, for decades, Republicans have acted like Lucy van Pelt with her football. Asking voters to play, acting like a team, setting up the kick, then yanking the ball away the second they’re elected, while voters continue to break their backs on broken promises.

This is also why many establishment Republicans would rather lose than have a President Trump, who clearly understands that “winning” is a present progressive tense verb…a repeated, habitual, ongoing action.

When he became the Republican nominee, snake oil senators, governors and congressmen on both sides of the aisle declared “the end of the Republican Party if he wins,” and I had to laugh, especially given that after 20+ years in the political sausage factory, I can tell you with a great deal of certainty, that underneath their Stepford surfaces, they are everything they loathe about Donald Trump and much more…

You’ll see them scatter and fail to support the President, which is ironic given the indignation at our rejection of the train wrecks they put up like John McCain & Mitt Romney, who promised nothing more than the status quo.  They know full well, that their party’s implosion is a result of their decades-long electile dysfunction.

Love him or hate him, Donald J. Trump not only knows how to win, but also…wait for it…he likes it, and he likes it because winning allows him to be…wait for it…productive.  Deep-state swamp-dwelling Republicans have no earthly idea what that means, nor do they understand that this particular “winner,” offers them redemption.  Whether or they take it or not, will say much more about them, than him.

Oh, and as an aside, all of this applies every bit as much, if not more, to state Republicans…especially in Ohio.

So long way around, until a rational, consistent third party becomes viable enough to call the foul and eject Lucy’s sorry ass from the game – a situation both major parties will fight to prevent – I see the political pendulum shifting until it does so “in name only,” without actually moving, that is…heck, we’re nearly there, now.

I would caution the current party power brokers however, and remind them that the last time the quest for dominance from apparatchiks in two major parties became this indistinguishable, not only did the impetus manifest into one of the costliest wars in history, but also it allowed several third parties to emerge, one of which ultimately did dominate, and endures to this day – if only by a thread…

That was the Republican Party (Est. 1854).

Tough to ignore the irony that it is at present, so perilously close to the path of its predecessors.